searching for middle ground

I don't know about you, but I'm a bit obsessive when it comes to life. I'm either all in or all out. I don't do very well with the in between. This can be either good or bad for me. Let me explain.

When I was busy gaining weight in college, I never even thought about exercise or a healthy diet. I sat my lazy butt down in my chair and played Madden. The only exceptions to this were when I hung out with friends (and for a couple of years, my girlfriend Polly Skidmore), over-reacted to a Nintendo version of Jeopardy, or investigated restricted areas around the campus. Oh yeah, and my late night McDonald's, Taco Bell, Taco Express or Andy's Frozen Custard runs. I was committed to being lazy. I was all in. Hey, gaining weight was hard work for me.

When I finally decided to change my ways and lose weight a couple of years ago, I was also all in. I barely ever ate anything for dessert, ate no junk food, exercised constantly, weighed myself daily, etc. I had simply gone from one extreme to the next. Leading up to the second marathon was much of the same.

In the two winters following my marathon runs, I have run a combined total of maybe 10 miles...maybe. After each marathon, I decided to shut it down. And when I shut it down, I shut it down completely. I often joke that it's my winter hibernation. I eat whatever I want and do not even think about exercising.

It took me longer to get back on track this year with the new little addition to our family, but now that I'm back on track, I'm on board completely. I am back to eating completely healthy and exercising constantly. I'm either all in or all out. There is no middle ground for me. And that's where the problem lies.

See, what I need is some balance. I mean, I want to eat healthy and not feel guilty about having an occasional sweet. I want to take a day off from exercising (God even designed us to work six days and then rest on the seventh, so it's clear why there's value in it) without feeling guilty and like I'm a lazy sluggard. I need to find that in between. I need to know that rest is not only okay but necessary. And it's not that I don't ever take the day off to rest...it's that I feel guilty when I do.

I don't want to lose my obsessive nature in all things. After all, God has used that to draw me near to Him and into His service as a pastor. No, I don't want to lose my passion in my walk with God, but I do hope and pray that I will find this middle ground and balance when it comes to all other aspects of my life.