I swear this has happened before. In fact, I know it's happened. It happened just a couple months ago leading up to the Sharon Timlin Memorial 5k. I regretted it then. I told myself it wouldn't happen for the Run to the Rock 10k. Yet tomorrow is the Run to the Rock 10k and here we are...again.
As you have probably observed in my lack of posts over the last few weeks, I have lost some motivation in my training. As I mentioned in some of my previous posts, things have been really busy for me and free time is not something I have a great abundance of. That being said, I also know that it's not as though I haven't had any free time. In fact, I believe my situation could be described with the following set of inequalities:
Busy Time > Free Time
but: Free Time > 0
so, I must conclude that: Excuses > Sticktoitiveness to Persevere
This is unarguably the truth of what's going on here. I have been busy and have been limited in free time, but to say I've had no time would be a lie.
Now, to be fair, I have been training. In fact, I have been training more than I did leading up to the Sharon Timlin. However, I still haven't been training nearly enough. And I'm not sure my eating habits (while not bad) have been the best either.
Yet, here I am on the eve of Genevieve and my first race together. Everything within me is frustrated that I haven't run more than 4 miles with her (which I've done twice) and that I haven't trained harder. And the competitor in me doesn't want to run if I can't guarantee my best effort. I hate settling for less than what I am capable of. But, if you don't put in the hard work, this is the reality you're stuck with.
This is probably my biggest flaw. It's the same flaw that kept me from doing better in school because I didn't want to do homework. It's the same flaw that kept me from improving in track from my junior to senior year in high school. It's the same flaw that is typically responsible for keeping me from my best at everything. But hear this: As long as God gives me breath, I will NEVER surrender and cower to this flaw. I will never give in and accept it. I will ALWAYS fight back!
This is why, no matter how frustrated I might be, I will run the best that I can tomorrow. Sure, my time will suffer due to my lack of training drive over the last month or so (my best training week was my week of vacation). But my daughter will learn from my example, good or bad. And I would rather set a good example for her. I want her to see that even when we fail, it's no excuse to quit.
Aside from my frustration over my reduced expectations with regards to our time tomorrow, I am wicked excited at the opportunity to run a race with my daughter. I know that once I cross the finish line and get our medal and put it around her little neck, none of this other nonsense will matter to me.
Let me leave you with this thought to ponder: Flaws exist within each of us. We must make the decision of whether or not we fight them. If we don't fight our flaws, they will control us.
I know I can beat this. I've won some battles. I shaved over an hour off my marathon time last time out due to determination and effort in training (and a lot of prayer). Sometimes I win a battle and sometimes I lose a battle. In fact, I've probably lost a lot more than I've won. But I'm determined that when all is set and done and the proverbial book is closed on my life, it will say that I was a fighter and I overcame!
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